Disciples making disciples
,For seven or eight years, when our kids were younger, it happened every winter like clockwork. Debbie would leave our home in Sacramento and head north to be with her grandparents in Southern Oregon somewhere around the 20th of December while I stayed back with the kids. The task list she prepared prior to going left us consumed with getting everything ready and packed for our own trip to Medford on Christmas Eve and then onward to my folks house in Portland early Christmas morning. Oh, the wonder of a promised adventure actually happening!
Although our kids, having had daily and weekly chores from the time they were little, were good workers, somehow these last few days before the annual Christmas voyage proved quite a challenge. In spite of the rather sizable number of tasks that needed to be completed prior to our departure, everyone seemed to be in bit of a dream state. Or distracted. Kind of like the sugarplums dancing in their heads... or something like that. It was a colossal case of wonder and, as a father, although I often ended up repeating myself in order to get some results, it was pretty cool. Such times aren’t a promise in life and should be savored when they come.
In the past year, I’ve had a few days and seasons around here that have inspired some of that same kind of excitement. Frankly, this time last year felt pretty bleak. A lot of soul-searching resulted and some of my thoughts were pretty disconcerting. As I look back, I realize that whatever sense of clarity I may have imagined was still pretty fuzzy. I prayed a lot for a fresh and clear look, as did many of you, and it was slow in coming. But, however slow, the effort is bringing results!
When my old buddy Leonard Lee visited us last January, he made time to guide us through a process that would ultimately lead us to becoming the church that Jesus had envisioned when he left earth to return to heaven. The key was rekindling this original fire and translating it into the 21st century -- of becoming a church of people that love God first, love others next, and are mission-centered so they become disciples who intentionally grow until they may lead others to become replicating disciples, too!
This Sunday’s class, “Exploring and Preparing for Disciple-Making” is full with nearly 40 people registered, which is incredible, since we thought having 12-15 would be great. Like the 50 who came to Leonard’s workshop back in January, far beyond our expectations! Which is where that giddy, distracted, full of joy and expectation thing comes in. If you’re like me. you’ve probably been around churches enough to know what it’s like to over-estimate something; to plan for a good group and have nobody show up. Or cast a dream that nobody seems interested in doing. It’s discouraging, to say the least. Contrast that with a dream we spent seven hours together talking and praying to see where it would lead. Then fast forward nine months to give the Disciple-Making team time to plan and prepare, and realize that, not only are you remembering what we said we said, you are anxious to get going!
Can’t wait to see where the Father takes us, now!
Hard work. Sweat. Prayer. Pondering. Drafting. Changing. Reading. And a lot of all of that.
Back in January, more than 50 of us met together with my friend, Leonard Lee, with the express intention of setting the future of FCC to be more effective in our service to God and His original intentions for us. As we emerged from the two-day, seven-hour process, we came away recognizing that, over time, many American churches, us included, had strayed away from the fundamental template that Jesus had left for those who would become part of His family -- His church -- in the generations and centuries to follow. It was a bit startling, since the basic plan is pretty plain!
Eight months later, and after a lot of hard work from our Disciple-Making Team, we’re underway! Over the next few weeks we’ll lay out the framework and first steps in this process of becoming the church of disciples who are intentionally becoming disciple-makers as we grow toward maturity in our individual and collective walk with God.
Our hope is to engage many of you who have made growing and maturity in Christ a part of your life would create a mentor/discipler relationship with one or two others who are new in their faith, making time and sharing life together for the next year. This goes beyond just hanging out and even beyond holding each other accountable; it’s setting out to intentionally aid in growing them up in their walk with God so they can ultimately begin mentoring and leading others in the same way.
The process being developed by the Disciple-Making leadership will provide ongoing coaching and support throughout the year in order to make the Mentor/Discipler’s work more effective and rewarding. Everyone involved will be learning a lot, especially in this startup year, so those who choose to participate will be part of a ground-floor feedback group who will help the leadership team develop even more effective support for Disciplers in the future.
The point? Will you come and see what we’re up to these next two Sundays? And would you consider where you might fit? Perhaps you’re not sure of whether you are ready to join in this time, but would like to find out how to prepare to lead in the future? We’ll try to answer your questions as well as whet your appetite! See you then!
“One more click to the right,” he said, and then almost asked, “and maybe one more up...?” The adjustment was so small it was undetectable. At close range, it wouldn’t have hardly mattered, but at 400 yards it was the difference between a bullseye and nearly missing the entire target. The dull ping of the metal target that followed the next shot confirmed the changes to be exactly what was needed. As we approached the target for a closer look, there was a satisfaction in seeing the dent so near the center. Nice!
That day we spent on the range came back to me as I was reviewing the book, Mission Drift, that Doug recommended to our Elders several months back. The purpose of the work is to challenge God’s people, entrusted with carrying His Church through this period of history, to consider where we’ve gone and where we’re going with it from here.
Mission Drift features several case studies of Christian organizations that were founded with a strong understanding of their mission and their specific purposes within the Kingdom of God. Often innovative and fresh, the work and success of these organizations became well-known, many growing to international scale, and were celebrated for the great impact they had for the cause of Jesus and His Kingdom.
As the organization matured, each mission faced the need for adjustment and change, whether because of the scale of growth, a change of key personnel, or in answer to mounting pressures internally and from the outside. Here the authors press the case that it is at these crucial junctures that the mission is either reinforced and strengthened or compromised. In the event of concession, the deviance is usually hailed as a good thing or, at least, a regrettable necessity. Either way, the change is subtle and seems of no consequence. Like the few clicks on the foresight of the rifle, in the immediate period -- the close range -- after the changes, things seem to be in good shape. But over time the Drift becomes progressively obvious. A generation passes. The New becomes the conventional.
Interestingly, as the evidence of drift becomes more clear, it is seldom a question of whether the organization needs to be “righted.” Remember, the new has become the norm, and nearly all of the active members and leaders have come aboard since the changes were instituted and so regard the current mission as The Mission. And they like it this way. Enough to ignore concerns. The original ideas are dismissed. And the pattern continues, generation after generation.
Mission Drift also chronicles several Christian organizations who, at one of these junctures, considered making core mission changes and decided to stay the original course. They were often regarded as short-sighted, culturally out of touch, or even narrow by outsiders at the time, but over time they have remained true and continue to serve.
Reading this book led to pondering. And pondering led to questioning. It had me asking if any part of the Kingdom’s mission or message had been deleted or altered in the Western church over the centuries. In church history, we recognize the numerous “resets” led by the Holy Spirit, as well as the ill-fated, human-driven attempts at reform that resulted from what seems the almost inevitable tendency toward the Drift. But, in the end, the soul-searching had to come all the way to us at FCC.
In the end, it came to this. The Mission Drift began in my own life. What was I investing in? Where was my true center? Where were we heading? Were we getting there? Was my mission the same as Jesus’ mission? I think I came up a bit short, but it was like a breath of fresh air to bring it into focus. There’s a lot of really good things into which I can invest my life, but not all of them cut the mustard when laid against the backdrop of the Kingdom! This might just be liberating!
You see, doing church work automatically has you assuming you’re doing Kingdom work... but somewhere down inside, you sometimes wonder. Am I really making disciples who make disciples ready to make disciples? Do I even know what a disciple looks like? Assessing my many years of ministry left me thinking my results resembled more an undirected shotgun blast than a carefully planned pinpoint shot. Thus the “reset”. In two startlingly simple teachings we call the Great Command (Matthew 22:34-40) and the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20), he clarified our Mission: Love God. Love People. Make Disciples. It was exactly what He did when He walked the earth. Loving the Father, loving all the people regardless of their response, and making disciples that turned the world upside-down and set an unstoppable force -- called His Church -- in motion until He returns to restore everything to His liking.
The question for us is whether we are willing to join Him in that endeavor, reset from the Drift and make it happen?
The ball bearing securing and smoothing the fast spinning wheel of a speeding vehicle. A carabineer that is the lone connection tethering the mountain climber to the safety of ropes and rocks. Or the tiny lever that drives the hammer of a grand piano against the strings in perfect response to the pressure of the players’ fingers on the key. Tiny. Precise. Easily overlooked. Often forgotten. Unless it’s missing. Then its necessity becomes evident. Very evident. And immediately! Like that Little Wedge.
Think of how many important things completely depend on something small and easily overlooked. Like that Little Wedge. It has been such a small part of my thinking, yet absolutely crucial. Strangely, however, I find that I haven’t spent a great deal of time thinking about it... or doing something with it. Even the diagram tends to under-emphasize its importance. After all, it’s the Little Wedge. And it’s what Jesus came to deal with.
As I’ve said before, I’ve been a part of church life for all of my days. My mom took my siblings and me to church from the time we were born. Literally. And we were a part. We were adopted. We felt comfortable there. We were in the family. We served. And we belonged.
So being deeply involved in any endeavor for that long would typically make you an expert on how it works and on what’s crucial to its health. Or maybe not.
The problem with church life is that, while we may truly know and believe what God had in mind for us, we still find ourselves modifying church to our liking, even if it ends up being not very much like what He had in mind! Yeah, I’m that guy. It’s so easy to get distracted from the original intent that you could spend most of a lifetime not noticing. Or being unwilling to change it back because you really like it better the way it is. Yeah. I’m that guy, too.
So, about that Little Wedge, the one labeled, “Dead”. Beside it being a rather abrupt word, inclining me to find a word to soften it up a bit, I’m realizing it hasn’t really bothered me too much that there is a pervasive condition of spiritual deadness that haunts the human soul. As I reflect on it, I’m thinking it should be bothering me a bit more... or even a lot! As unpleasant as it is, the real contrast of ‘dead’ and ‘alive’ divides the eternal landscape rather starkly. And it’s pretty much the whole reason for God’s cosmic intervention into human history, described in mind-blowing scope and detail from Genesis 3 through Revelation 22.
So, I’m asking myself why it’s not bugging me more. As I pondered, I sensed a couple of answers that were neither pleasant nor flattering (the Holy Spirit can be pesky if you ask). First, I realized that my comfortable church tendencies (as described above) tend to make reaching seem like a chore, since the folks who are currently ‘out’ might be a bit messy and irreligious, unaware of the polite and planned (sterile?) family life I like. I’m pretty familiar with helping other Christians grow toward maturity. Secondly, I realized that genuine outreach requires caring, which means setting aside time and emotional capacity. In other words, self sacrifice. Caring is like that because it inherently gives, even when there is no assurance of interest or reciprocation.
Lastly, and probably most telling, I recognized that my lack of concern was rooted in my misunderstanding of how God is working. My selfish ‘chore’ mentality gets me all wound up with expectations and responsibilities, all of which tend to gratify my pride and deflate my compassion. If all I can comprehend is the heaven/hell outcomes, my mind gets religious and I end up calloused. Their sin (not mine, of course) is a real put off to God! They just might deserve it! (Note the sarcasm, in case you missed it).
When Jesus describes his mission to a ‘dead’ world, his purpose is clear: He is here to reconnect people to the source code of ‘life’. This is found only in the Heavenly Father. And it’s accessed not through traditional religious means, which tend to obligate God to do our bidding if we promise to diligently obey whatever ritual or deeds are prescribed for the ‘faithful’. Get yourself cleaned up, stop doing all those bad things, love your neighbor and God will have no choice but to let you into heaven. Right!?
Jesus answered this mentality by pulling back the curtain and giving us a glimpse of what was really on the Father’s heart: Them. The outsiders. The folks who don’t know the Father. The walking dead. No religious test needed. Life wasn’t a commodity for marketeers or a slogan to cheer the faithful, it was found by reconnecting with the only source of true life: The Father. And, wouldn’t you know it, the Father was always at work to bring this about! Life now. While we still walk the earth. Not just someday in heaven, but right now.
Which changes everything in my perspective, because now I’m a walking conduit of the Father’s outreach. Wow! The ‘chore’ becomes an adventure! I go from trying to muster the energy to trudge forward to simply watching and listening for opportunities to join the Father in His quest to reconnect with them. No sales experience will help. No need to figure out how to clean up their sin problems in advance, since the Father clearly has plans for that once they’re adopted!
So relax. And get ready. We’re in the ‘life’ business for real!
“This country’s going down the tubes!” You can almost hear him. The guy says it with such force, you realize that, in his mind, there is no truth more self-evident. His friend is nodding in agreement, but redirects the first man by stating that the reasons for the decline aren’t as cut-and-dried as the he might believe. A strong, but still somewhat civil, argument ensues.
The first man points to all the ‘moral decay’ he has observed as the society tolerates ever more of what was once considered indecent, improper, or just bad manners. The other, with equal conviction, argues that the ‘real decay’ is found in those who inhibit the choices of others with intolerant, old fashioned ideas and norms.
The discussion degrades as the labels and name-calling ensue, both attempting to drive home their point by generalizing the other’s ideas and convictions with labels meant to belittle and even demonize. Neither likes the others jabs, as each dig gets more personal and closer to home.
Emotions are up and the friendship is straining, but the level of conviction drives them on, to the point of division. Internally, each is conflicted, as each knows, deep inside, that the other is truly more important to them than the chasm they are creating, but neither knows how to slacken the tension, fearing they may appear in retreat or lacking complete conviction.
Ultimately, one turns and, with a snort, declares the other unbearably lost and beyond the pale. The other, frustrated by missing the opportunity to take the last word, shouts painful epitaphs at his retreating friend. Both withdraw, mumbling to themselves as the emotions ebb and the inevitable regret begins to set in.
The pain has accomplished nothing. The friendship goes on hiatus. Another tear in the fabric of their souls. Each silently swears they’ll never let it happen again. But they likely will.
Polarized we are. The rancor is at a fever pitch. Accusation rules the day. In homes. In businesses. In civic settings at every level. In media. The call for justice by folks on all sides of any issue has never been more intense. Blame. Shame. Ridicule. Disgust. Humiliation. Derision. And all of that compounded by an inevitable sense of foreboding, hopelessness and despair.
Often it feels like being stuck in the middle of a bare-knuckled, verbal brawl. And, sadly, since we’re all equipped with tongue, we can all participate... and quite often do.
At this point, there are some popular platitudes that are often prescribed. None are necessarily wrong, but they prove feeble as they typically call us to live moderately or generously, or simply passively. The problems seem simple enough, but, in real life, it’s never really like that. Ignoring, pacifying, or stuffing it is only a band-aid, because inside we’re either dying or fuming. And growing apart.
If I were the Enemy, I suspect I’d be all over this. And instigating more. At the risk of adding my own over-simplified platitudes, I would suggest that somewhere in the family of God, there needs to be some insulation from this kind of thing. Not that Christians should strive to “be above” the rancor, but maybe instead, below it.
It’s pretty incredible how Jesus-followers -- all who we presume have read the books describing the life and teaching of Jesus (we call them Gospels) -- somehow manage to gain the reputation of being narrow-minded and bigoted. The Jesus we’re looking at in the book of John seems completely taken by the grubby sinners he encounters and, in the same encounters, rolls out some pretty strong words for the religiously high-minded around him. And he does this consistently! In our self-centered ‘piety’, we somehow become polarizers not unlike the (former?) friends mentioned above . We might even cite our own causes for the degradation of society as justification for our righteous indignation, which often leads us to smugly separate ourselves from folks who live ‘worldly’ all the while freely blaming them for the decay of our society. Makes sense. But what if we’re wrong?
It seems logical that disciples of Jesus would follow His lead when it came to making disciples; doing His work the way He did it. If that’s true, then perhaps we’ve made a mistake when we shrink away from relationships and interaction with people other than those who are already in the family. Not only did Jesus hang around these folks, he seemed rather at ease with them.
Remember that the religiously-minded of his day criticized Him specifically for being too involved with those they deemed ‘beneath’ themselves! Jesus recounts these criticisms as He challenges their thinking; “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!” (Matthew 11:19) Earlier, Jesus questioned a Jewish leader who was critical of Jesus when he tenderly encouraged a ‘sinful’ woman who anointed Jesus’ feet as she wept in repentance (Luke 7:36-50). It’s almost like Jesus actually enjoyed them... imagine that!?
As we move ahead, I’m challenged by the fact that we’re called to the same. Jesus made it clear that he never expected people who didn’t know Him to behave any differently than they did. It’s pretty obvious that His process started with knowing their Heavenly Father and then becoming a member of the family before the process of being a disciple would initiate the transformation to become like Jesus. Adopting new members into a family can be a messy thing since everyone comes with their own background and spiritual DNA. Which might help us understand our tendency to make the church what we like, guarding the doors from the messiness outside, instead of welcoming them home where their Father and the family can help them heal and grow into maturity.
The conversations were real. Even intense sometimes! And we could go on for hours if nobody interrupted. Close? We were really close. But somehow I don’t remember his name. Weird! As important as he was at the time, I probably could have gotten along fine without him. Which probably explains why I jettisoned him somewhere along the way. Imaginary Friends make the preschool years just a bit more manageable. And that’s a fact.
In the intervening years, I’ve come to appreciate most of the folks who’ve crossed my path, and come to cherish the many who’ve become friends. Real friends. The kind that are anything but imaginary. Like glue. Reliable no matter what your season; no matter what messes you find yourself slogging through... always there.
At this point, I think I’m supposed to add something like, “You know what I mean.” But I won’t, because I’m learning that not everybody knows what I mean. Over the past several months, I’ve had several conversations with people whose ‘friend’ experiences aren’t like this. They watch quietly from the sidelines as others seem to make friends effortlessly and wonder what that’s like. It’s not a jealousy thing, or even envy, it’s just not something that happens for them. At least not easily.
As I’ve listened, I found out that many of them have endured some really hard stuff, but after some exploration I realized that this wasn’t necessarily the issue. Not realizing how arrogant and insensitive I was, my extroverted self wondered, sometimes out loud, if they just lacked friend-making skills... you know, “Let me show you how it’s done, it’s so easy!” (What a schmuck). The reality is that they are wired differently. And this sometimes hurts because our culture tends to attach higher value to people who are at ease in crowds and who connect easily; even in the church.
I voiced this concern a few times earlier this year in our Sunday services, worried what unintentional messages we might be sending when it came to worship experiences and church culture. I remember wondering if there were folks at FCC who were coming, watching, feigning a sense of ease or belonging, and leaving more empty or desperate than when they came. Nobody ever affirmed this directly, but that it continued gnawing at me made me think there was something to it. And there was.
The confirmation came in the form of a book recommended by my sister, Dondi, and her daughter, Austin (my niece & Word With Friends nemesis). The title was intriguing enough; “Blessed Are The Misfits,” by Brant Hansen. But it was the subtitle, “Great News for Believers Who Are Introverts, Spiritual Strugglers, or Just Feel Like They're Missing Something,” drew me in. The author, Christian talk-show host Brant Hansen, opens the book by explaining that he had never felt comfortable with modern church culture and had come to the point of assuming he was just a misfit who never would.
It’s compelling as he unpacks the ‘why’ of his disconnection, because in the reading you begin to realize that he represents a considerable number of people who either attend church but struggle deeply with not fitting in or, worse, simply move on, unable to overcome the disconnect. They often feel like there’s something wrong with them, especially when they are regularly urged to being more expressive and outgoing... “like us!”. It was hard to hear, especially since connecting has typically been easy for me. How much I didn’t understand or even care to.
I won’t attempt to tell you the rest of the story because I wouldn’t do it justice and, honestly, I’d like you to read the book, too. As I consider Jesus’ command to love God and to love others like God does, I can’t escape the sense that I’ve got some work to do. And, collectively, we have some work to do. Loving others like Jesus does will continue to challenge and stretch us to make a safe place for those who feel odd or out of sync with the way we’ve been doing it, but we’re His family and Father is calling us out. For the sake of others. For the sake of the Kingdom.
Eating breakfast in the greasy spoon restaurant in Clackamas on our way to a Cruise-In, Woody interrupted my conversation with another of his friends and quipped, “You’re a motorhead, aren’t you?” His words made me smile. His eyes twinkling, he went on, “I’ve never met a pastor who was a real motorhead.” (Definition: ‘motorhead’ - “someone who spends an inordinate amount of time in -- and derives a great deal of pleasure from -- thinking, talking, reading, fixing & hopping up any and all vehicles with motors or engines”). That really made me grin, mostly because I’d never met a worship band director who was a true motorhead!* With that, I had to disappoint him just a little by explaining that my interests stretched to anything with wheels, since I also have a passion for bicycling. Fact is, I even get a kick out of Pinewood Derby cars! If it rolls, I’m in... and the faster the better!
So imagine how cool it was when I came across a way to share FCC’s vision in the form of a wheel! (Remember: If it rolls, I’m in!) As we head through the summer, we’ll continue to unpack the nuts and bolts (motorhead talk) of becoming a church that Makes Disciples Who Make Disciples.
The wheel illustration is derived from Jesus words in Matthew 28:19-20, often called the Great Commission: “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” It’s a pretty straightforward plan, and it worked incredibly well from the very beginning. Those early disciples pretty much turned the world upside down in a matter of a few generations!
So what about the wheel? Take a look:
The wheel illustrates the process of growth and commitment each follower of Jesus makes when they journey into becoming a true disciple. We all started spiritually dead, no matter how great we might have thought of ourselves in those days. What changed it all was surrendering our lives to the Good News (Gospel) that God had made a way back to himself through Jesus, who lived the life we couldn’t live, and died the death we had earned, so we could be adopted as kids into God’s family! So we were born... again!
What happens from our infancy depends on a number of factors, but generally our growth is dependent, like that of children, on our nurture and our will. The folks who showed us the way to Jesus are tasked with the responsibility of raising us up to maturity, but we have to be willing to go there!
The three quadrants that follow describe our growth in Jesus. The Child is, as kids are, self-centered and focused on what they want and what they get from Father and the rest of the family. They are pretty heavy into expectations, and determine if they are pleased or unhappy based on how they like things and whether their needs are being met. They show little interest in the deeper things of God, and find the rigors of growing and changing laborious and even taxing! This is normal for new Christians, but was never meant to be a stopping point. Every church has at least a few longtime members who have never gotten past this stage. Enough said about that, at least for now!
Young Adults have turned the corner in their lives, as they are stepping up to serve and doing so with excitement. They have also become motivated learners, enjoy studying and have even began taking responsibility for their own walk with God. They are eager for mentoring, willing to be corrected and motivated to grow. Young Adults really love Jesus, are eager worshipers, and find themselves quite naturally telling people about their faith They naturally complain less, as they are sensing the big picture and see their gifts and time as essential investments in building Jesus’ family. They are a delight to others in the church and truly bless those who they serve. They are also a joy to those who disciple and lead them.
Parents are all the things already described in the Young Adult brought to maturity and possessing the crucial character and skills of multiplication. Their eyes are now on the complete mission of the church and they are sold out to seeing it through. Parents are consistently sharing their faith, and are equipped and enthused by the responsibility of pouring their lives into (discipling) this new generation. Their great joy is to guide others through these same stages of growth -- around the wheel again -- until they, too, become multipliers.
The Wheel is a simple way of envisioning where we’re going at FCC. If you’re already a Christian, you can also use it to evaluate where you are in this process. As we roll (remember, if it rolls, I’m in!) through the summer, listen for opportunities to plug in, regardless of where you fall on the wheel. Whether you realize that you’ve not really grown and needs a Discipler in your life or if you’re a Parent; mature in Christ with a desire to begin leading others to Jesus and to that same maturity you’ve already experienced. As always, stay tuned!
*For those who never met him, Woody Aanestad was an incredibly gifted and skilled musician, band director and worship leader who faithfully served us at FCC for nearly 13 years before he graduated to heaven... many of us still miss him greatly!
Spine tingling! Awesome! Changed my life! Amazing! Blew my mind! The guys were absolutely exhausted but totally wired up as they piled into the vans and SUV’s for the overnight drive to our homes seven hours north. Even a midnight traffic stoppage for bridge construction couldn’t dampen the enthusiasm. As we drove through the night, one by one the guys dozed off until I was left alone with my thoughts and reflections. If you’re awake, night driving on a nearly deserted interstate can be pretty cool, especially when you’re fresh from an experience like nothing you’ve ever had before.
That was May of 1994 at Anaheim Stadium. About 40 of us from our church in suburban Sacramento had traveled to Promise Keepers on Friday morning, not sure what to expect. It really was amazing... and all those other things. The music was indescribable with more than 64,000 men moved by the Holy Spirit singing... loudly! Even the timid guys were belting it out! It was cool, but the stuff I continued to mull over on that quiet overnight drive were the messages. Some of that teaching was so crucial it still influences my thinking today. Some of it really didn’t connect. And some went into a file for later... in some cases way later! Like 20+ years later. Like the teaching on ‘The Three Essential Men for Every Man to Fulfill His Mission’, which came rattling back through my brain a few weeks ago.
The Three-Others were, in simple terms, a Peer to walk with us, a Mentor who disciples us, and another believer to whom we are a Mentor. Being a men’s conference, the teachers used a men from the Bible to help us process it, but the principles apply to everyone.
As we’ve embraced Jesus’ call to become a church that intentionally makes disciples who make disciples, this simple principle found it’s way back into my thought process. It makes so much sense, and can be put into action by anyone of any age from JH students to Super Citizens. Not to dwell on “what if’s”, but I’ve been pondering how much more I might have grown and influenced others if I had been more intentional in the intervening years... But wait, there’s more!
Last week, as I was ruminating on this blog entry, I ended up on the phone with my friend, Sean Thome. Sean heads up the church planting and pastor mentoring ministry, NWCEA, in the Willamette Valley and is coming to teach here at FCC on May 27 & June 3. As we were discussing his insights into the process of disciple-making, I mentioned that I was preparing to write on this Three-Others principle, and he responded that it really should be Five-Others, not just Three. Intrigued, I asked him to elaborate and I loved what he said.
He noted that there was a missing element at both ends of the original three. Starting with the obvious, he said every Christian must start with a solid relationship with God! (Insert forehead smack: Duh... why didn’t I see that!?). Rightly he noted that the richness we intend for the other relationships are a direct reflection of how closely we walk with God. If we’re tight with the Father, we will walk in humble teachability and wisdom. With that, Sean moved to the other end, the fifth relationship every one of us need: Someone who isn’t a follower of Jesus. In keeping with the other three, he represented this person with the biblical character of Zacchaeus, a man who was not a follower, but had a genuine interest in what Jesus was about.
It’s a fact that people like Zacchaeus are often the most overlooked folks by those who are already believers. I won’t imagine what all the reasons would be, but I’ll highlight one: The perception that folks aren’t ready for discipling until they make the commitment to follow Jesus. Using Zacchaeus as an example, we realize that his interest in Jesus predated his conversion by quite some time. He clearly knew of Jesus and had likely even heard his teaching or witnessed miracles some time previous to his actual conversion. He was probably a friend of the Matthew, a fellow tax-collector who had left to became a disciple of Jesus. Regardless, God’s Spirit had clearly working in his life prior to his commitment. His eagerness to surrender his life to Jesus was already in play by the time Jesus came back through town. Just like the Spirit will be working on our friends and family members... way ahead of us!
Give it some thought. Five key relationships. But go the next step. Begin making plans, in deliberate prayer and action, to put these folks in place in your life. Go and get it started... and then watch your life change!
Interesting conversation, it was. A dear friend of mine asked if we could meet and talk about his need for repentance. Curious as I was, my heart was instantly heavy, imagining what might be on his mind. I’ve always admired him for his utter transparency and I know his heart for what’s right and good, but it still seemed a bit ominous. Imagining some kind of looming crisis, I prayed for peace and moved forward to the meeting. Now, there are two kinds of imagination: One is a holy imagining where, by seeing a bigger picture beyond the immediate, we’re empowered as we slog through the muck of our lives with peace and confidence because we know the Father’s faithfulness. The other, much less holy, takes our thoughts to a negative and anxious places, leaving us full of dread or loathing. Yes, that’s where I went.
I should have known, of course! Leave it to my dear brother to bring something completely unexpected. It was a simple, but profound, insight. Typically, his request for forgiveness was untarnished and without condition: Simply that the Lord would restore him back to humility and forgive his desire to be recognized for his skills in the performing arts. Let me interject here that he is greatly gifted in these ways. He had, in his typically humble way, come to realize that his desire to be recognized was quietly siphoning away credit from God. I wouldn’t have known. His prayer concluded by declaring that all that mattered to him was his identity as a son of the Heavenly Father... and nothing else. It was priceless, and, as I said, profound.
Listening as he poured out his heart in prayer, reminding himself (and me) that all of his skills, abilities and gifts were from the Lord alone, I felt a twinge of holy guilt resonating in my spirit. How easy it is to imagine that us getting recognized is somehow good for God’s Kingdom! In fact, just writing that reminds me how ludicrous that really is! As he prayed, I began doing a bit of self-inventory. It really didn’t take long, as I was immediately reminded of my own battle with the same temptation. So, our meeting became a time of mutual confession and repentance, ending by exchanging reminders to keep our pride and desire for recognition in check through prayer and accountability. Certainly not what I expected, but that’s the way of our Father. He loves us too much to let us stay distracted or in sin. And, concurrently, we love Him so much that we are humbled to listen and obey when He illuminates an issue.
As I reflect on our meeting, Solomon’s familiar saying came to mind, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). That simple idea was at work in that meeting. My brother, in his humility and through the Holy Spirit, drew me to a clearer understanding and deeper conviction of my spiritual gifts and the defective attitudes deep in the recesses of my mind. Thus, we both left stronger and sharper than before we met. The writer of Hebrews says a similar thing, but with an even a more deliberate quality, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). In other words, purposefully tune your mind, ponder, consider how to help each other move closer to Christian maturity.
When it comes to being disciples of Jesus, fostering a few of these deep, trusting peer-to-peer relationship is essential to growing. One who walks out your journey alongside you. One who knows your stuff. One who has your back, but from whom you can’t hide. One who loves you as you are, but has been given permission to call you out when you need to hear it. One who reminds you of the Father’s heart and the ways of Jesus. Deliberately. On purpose. By design.
My old friend Leonard and I started this process together back in 1990 by asking each other four specific, ‘can’t squirm out of it’ questions each week. We asked about our devotional life, about our marriage, about the purity of our private thoughts, and then concluded by asking if we had lied about any of the previous questions! One guy joined us but then quit because he didn’t like to answer for his stuff! Over time, we didn’t even have to ask the questions because we would come primed to discuss where we were going in each area. When one of us confessed, the other would follow up with, “How are you going to take to deal with that?” The next time we met, we’d start with a report on how we followed through. Over the course of 9+ years, a lot of garbage got cut out of our lives because there was no comfortable way for it to stay.
Sound a bit intimidating? It is. It think it’s the vulnerability that gets to us. But we gotta’ have it. We flounder without it, too easily glossing over the stuff that’s getting in the way of God’s intentions, and finding it easy to ignore the Holy Spirit’s prompting. It takes a bit of time to get to the place where we were, but oh, was it is good. Give it some thought. It’s time.
It was a classic scene repeated in with little variation in spoof movies and sketch comedy many decades ago. The scene always seemed always to focus on the good doctor, one leg slung casually over the other, looking rather bored, sketch pad in hand, occasionally jotting notes, and eventually mugging the camera in mock disgust as the conflicted patient lay on the couch, face contorted with anxiety, pouring out some minor tale of woe that had been ridiculously inflated to the point of crisis. The gag line varied little, perhaps accompanied by a different look or nuance, as the overwrought patient finally paused for a breath, the doctor would mutter, deadpan and clinically, “And how does that make you feel?” The effect was humorous, as the poor patient, becoming ever more agitated and distraught each time the doctor, never offering advice or counsel, repeated the question again. So the sketch would continue, the culmination coming with some kind of assault upon the doctor (in good fun, I promise) or with the patient running from the set completely out of their mind in frustration and despair.
While I recognize there is a legitimate need for good counseling (I’ve been grateful for the many good counselors who have poured out their lives in my behalf on many occasions) and that there is nothing light-hearted about mental illness, what made it funny to me, as a teen and young adult, was the obvious jab at our cultures’ compulsion to make feelings the most important factor in life. Living that way can certainly lead to trouble. After all, we know how feelings can skew our perceptions of others, steer us to unwise choices, and even affect our health, right?
In the smugness of my youth, however, I forgot one important thing: Feelings are real. “Feelings can’t be trusted,” I would say to myself, trying to mask my youthful pride behind a face of intense thought and a rational posture. And I’m sure the irony is not lost on anyone who knows me, since I tend to leak rather profusely at even the sappiest commercials or a hint of family sentiment. It was a tough act, trying so hard to appear detached and objective while all the while a bundle of, well, feelings!
In the context of real, day-to-day life, the issue isn’t just feelings, it’s their origin. In my thinking, feelings are the tentacles of emotion - the outgrowth, the expression. Remember, by the way, emotions were created by our Heavenly Father! This being true, then the outcome depends on we’re feeding our minds and our emotional state. Thus, some feelings are good, helpful, and even true. Like the joy of a newborn baby or the elation of realizing that you really are God’s kid! Others, though, not so much. Like bitterness, which causes utter corrosion of the soul on every level.
As I’ve been considering Jesus’ call to be a disciple who also makes disciples (who make disciples), it struck me how crucial it is to understand the human heart as we build relationships with new followers and not-yet-followers. Our current study in the book of John portrays Jesus as the master of taking people right where they were and presenting truth in a way that helped them see things clearly. They sensed the True Life that He carried. The key was his compassion - he loved people first. Bad ideas and the crazy feelings they created were taken as they were. Never endorsed, just accepted at face value. That’s the way real love is.
His ability to speak into their lives wasn’t dependant whether they agreed or disagreed, but rather on whether he cared first. What set him apart from every other rabbi/teacher was that His internal compass was fixed somewhere much deeper than feelings, emotions, thoughts... his anchor was his Heavenly Father. That relationship is what compelled John to describe Jesus as “full of grace and truth”. Not a balance between them, but a fully integrated ‘fullness’ reflection of the Heavenly Father! The complete package -- full of grace & truth -- put skin on and came to live so we could reflect the Father, too! Pretty amazing.
Even as we stumble and falter, we still bear the reflection -- His grace and His truth. We’re compelled to tell about Him. Even to those who oppose it. Gracious to the wounded, compassionate to the lonely, and a challenger to the self-righteous. He loved them all enough to share all of his life and shepherded those who would become followers until they became followers, too. We’re called to the same; take people where they are, love them like He did, and, when He opens the door, offer them His story of grace and truth. And, even if they never respond, love them anyway, just like He did.